The What Ifs?

Love, Lust, Crushes, Dating, Marriage and Romance are all subjects that everyone has an opinion on. Should we talk to this person? Do they like me? Am I worthy of someone like this or that? Could they like someone like me? Am I cute enough? Am I tall enough? And the list goes on and the analysis of us goes on and on. The questions are different for everyone but we all have those "questions". It is so fun to think about what "could" be or what we "want" but do we ever get to a point where we totally accept the person God has made us and realize that the person He has for us is going to love us exactly where we are when we meet them? Throughout our lives we doubt who we are and what we deserve but God wants the very best for us so we should want the same thing. If He puts a desire in you there is a reason for it. Is that desire to help you grow, learn or develop a testimony for Him. God tells us that if we delight ourselves in Him then He will give us the desires of our heart. Does that mean He is going to give you everything you want? Probably not but if we are delighting in Him our desires are going to change and be more reflective of what He wants for us. Does He want us to experience the everyday crushes or the feeling of love at first sight? Absolutely, He created these emotions and He loves the fact that we are searching for His will within these emotions and asking the question What would Jesus do? Or Is it ok to tell someone how I really feel? Is it lying if I don’t tell them? Should I just wait to find out how they feel? All of this helps us to blossom the person He made us and in the process we realize what He wants us to do in every situation. So, as we go through this process of singleness be thankful for the "What if" questions and the "Imagine if" dreams because when it finally happens and it is a gift from our Father it will be so much more than we could have ever suspected.

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart

Psalms 37:4

When is enough really enough?

There are relationships that take all different forms and go many different directions.  So, how do you know when to let go and when to hang on with all of your might?  I look back on relationships from my past and I see people that I thought were my friends but where did they go when things got tough, a blinding love that seemed endless just unraveled in a matter of days (or maybe it was years and I just didn't realize it), and then the true friend (if you are fortunate maybe two) that sees all of your flaws and still would rather laugh with you or cry with you because of all the hurt.  Sometimes we choose not to see truth about relationships for fear that they will be over but realistically when is it okay to let go and let enough be enough.  The journey of "suddenly single" could not have begun if there were just you.  It takes two people to have a relationship and it takes those same two people to destroy that relationship.  I ask you, when is enough fighting enough?  When is enough anger enough?  When is your bitterness enough that you can let go and truly begin the journey that will get you to that wonderful place of feeling alive again?  There have been many times in my life that I wanted to hold on so tightly to my idea of what I wanted my relationship(s) to look like that the reality of it should have been enough to make me realize there was nothing left to hold.   So as you go through this day I just want to encourage you that sometimes the best thing for you and the people in your life is to just let go and let enough be enough.

Thought for the day:  The darkest moment of your life is the moment before you see that long awaited light at the end of the tunnel. 

Win, Lose, or Draw???

Game nights at my house always seem fun and I look forward to the weekend so me and my kids can enjoy a game together.  I don't know how it is that I forget that every game night in the history of game nights at my house end in disaster and someone upset or angry.  My kids are great and they are very competitive but I don't know if you know much about twins but each one of them are convinced their way is the right way not matter what the rules state.  As you can guess the way they are thinking causes nothing but havic and not so much fun at my house on game night.......what was I thinking?  When you think of playing games you think of exciting fun and a great time together, however; there is a game that started for me years ago called separation and divorce that I wish I would have never learned how to play.  Are our children just pawns in this horrific game of battle we play with our ex spouses?  When do we go from acting like children playing a game with their sibling to adults who make unselfish right choices just because it is the right thing to for their children?  There have been many years I have gotten caught up in this game that sucks you in like an addiction. In the midst of it, all you want to do is win but is it really about winning if you are destroying the children you are suppose to love so much?  It is time for the adults in all of these situations to ask themselves the question "Do I want what I want because it is what is best for my children or do I want what I want because it is what is best for me?"  Take time on this journey to evaluate why you do what you do and make sure that your intentions are right and children's best interests are at heart. 

Just a reminder:  That person that you want to cut to the core is the same person that you loved so dearly you wanted to spend forever with.  So, tonight as you are thinking of the next right move to make in the game you are playing put the pieces of the game away and just give each other room to make their way on the journey that they did not expect to be on either.

Suddenly Single

In the past there have been a rules placed on those of us who found ourselves single once again.  In today’s society there is a new enlightened view on singleness that does not compare to the outlook of past generations. As always with new enlightenments come new rules.   This is all uncharted water but the good news is you don’t have to stay in the house any longer and it is okay for your kids to play with the neighbor’s.  In this age of technology you can find a date, order pizza and plan your child’s birthday bash all in your pajamas while watching another episode of your favorite sitcom.  Courting has been replaced with chatting online and dinner and a movie has been replaced with coffee (just in case you need a quick escape from the new date you found while chatting).  So for those of you like me; who never dreamed you would find yourself “suddenly single” in what is a much coupled world:

 1.  It is okay to throw yourself a “Suddenly Single” shower.  This is a time you can relax and have friends over to celebrate the fact that you have a brand new life beginning. Yes, it is true that this means you are no longer married, however; it also means that you have the opportunity to start something new and fresh.  So, break out the party platters and open the presents because you are going to be okay.

2.  After the party is over plan a vacation - it may take ten years for it to happen, but start planning one.  This will give you something to look forward to so you feel like part of the world and also give you something to write about when you create your online web page.

3.  Online dating is a great tool if you use it safely.  You have no idea if the other person is telling you the truth.  Don’t answer adds that say “Looking for a mama for my 6 kids,” “if you can cook you are the girl for me,” “looking for a person that owns a house and has a good job” (this probably means they are leach) and “less than perfect need not apply” (this person needs a therapist).  There are a ton of sites where you can find a date; but sometimes the good old fashion way is fun -  church, social events, your child’s best friends “suddenly single” parent that could be a great catch, or even volunteering with other singles for a good cause.  Stay away from newly released from prison, only has 15 years left on parole, someone only looking for a discreet encounter, and the one that says they are not sure if the divorce is final or not.

4.  It is ok for your kids to play sports and for you to go to the games alone.  Look at it this way: you will fit in because 50% of the other parents are in the same boat and they are missing a paddle too. So, go enjoy your kids being kids, and you will make your children feel like they are the most important people to you and they should always feel that way even if you do start dating the cute head coach from the opposing team. J

5.  Rent something that is reasonable.  Remember there is only one salary and bills will come out of it. There is no reason to live in a house that just acts as a storage unit for you because you have to work four jobs to afford it and never see it.  Always remember the bigger the house the more there is to clean.  So, rent something you can afford and hire a maid.  You deserve it.

6.  Hopefully most of your circle of friends will stay pretty much the same, but you want to make new friends that didn’t “know you when.”  The memory lane needs to be closed for reconstruction, so it is best to keep people around you who don’t always want to talk about the past. Learn from the past so it won’t repeat itself because your friends will get sick of buying “Suddenly Single” gifts after a while.

7.  Get into a good singles group at a church or social club.  This will help you meet people and also keep you from becoming the crazy person at the end of the block all the kids are scared of as they walk to school.  If you have kids it will also help their social life if you aren’t deemed crazy, and socializing will help with the overwhelming feeling you will have occasionally (everyday) when you feel the world is crashing in on you.

8.  When you have that “my world is crashing in on me” feeling, call a friend and talk it out.  Most of us worry about things that will never happen, so if you talk it out you can hear what is actually going on in that brain of yours and you achieve world peace (at least for the moment in your world).

9.  Shopping is good but not always the answer.  Yes, the new shoes with matching purse and outfit would make you feel incredible, but you really need to pay the rent so you have a place to keep all the other things you are going to buy to make yourself feel better.  Stay on your budget and remember you have only one income and eating is not optional but shoes are.

10. There is no reason you can’t have a career, take care of your kids, go to soccer, girl scouts, volunteer at church, visit your friends, and be okay with not being an “us”.   Some days you might feel like you can’t go, on but I promise you that there will be a day when you will sit back and say, “I did it and I am proud of me.”  Keep your chin up and walk proudly into that office in the shoes you just glued the heel back on for one more wear just because they are the perfect shoes for that outfit and remember it is ok to be “suddenly single” in the 21st century and thank goodness it is not your mama’s world any more. 

Are we there Yet?